For many who have been deeply hurt, the thought of forgiveness seems close to impossible. “Why should I forgive.? They intentionally hurt me to the point where, as an adult, I am still wounded by what they did and said to me.” Why should I forgive those who sin against me?
Not only are we hurt by others but also by ourselves. “I am so stupid. I never should have done what I did. I can’t control my mouth. I know that I do not deserve forgiveness. I cannot forgive myself. I am such a failure.
Forgiveness of those, including ourselves, who hurt us does not come about because we feel like forgiving ourselves and/or others. Forgiveness is a choice, an act of our will. Emotions have very little to do with forgiveness. We forgive because God tells us to forgive.
“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25)
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
The biblical definition of forgiveness is a “release” or a dismissal” of something. When Christ died on the cross for us, He released us from the penalty of sin and spared us from God’s wrath, which is eternal separation from God in a place called Hell. Jesus experienced excruciating pain and suffering as He hung on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. We did nothing to deserve His love, redemption, and forgiveness of our sins. Forgiveness came at a considerable cost that Christ did not deserve, but He did it because He loves us and desires personal relationships with all He created.
When Jesus said, “It is finished,” from the cross (John 19:30), He was saying that the penalty for the sin of all human kind has been paid in full. Heaven awaits for all those who choose believe that Jesus is the Savior.
“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 8:1,2).
Forgiveness is not granted because a person deserves to be forgiven. No one deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a deliberate act of love, mercy, and grace. Forgiveness is a decision to not hold something against another person despite what they have done to you. This is precisely what Christ did for all who accept His forgiveness for sins and why God commands Christians to forgive those who hurt them, even though it does not seem “fair”. What was fair about the pain and suffering we put on Christ to forgive us?.
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The key in both passages is that we are to forgive others as God has forgiven us.
Why do we forgive? Because we have been forgiven!
Our forgiveness extended to those who have sinned against us does not mean God forgives them. The offenders are held accountable to God because they sin against God when they sin. He will will deal with them.
How then are we to deal with those who betray us?
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord” (Romans 12:9).
“For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people” (Hebrews 10:30)
It is important to recognize that to forgive is not to downplay a wrongdoing or necessarily to reconcile. When we choose to forgive, we release a person from his indebtedness to us. We relinquish the right to seek personal revenge. We choose to say we will not hold his wrongdoing against him. However, we do not necessarily allow that person back into our trust or even fully release that person from the consequences of his sin. You can forgive a friend who has betrayed you, but do not have to be their friend.
While God’s forgiveness relieves us from eternal death, it does not always release us from the death-like consequences of sin (such as a broken relationship or the penalty provided by the justice system). Forgiveness does not mean we act as if no wrong has been done; it does mean we recognize that abundant grace has been given to us and that we have no right to hold someone else’s wrongdoing over his head.
Though forgiveness is often difficult, to be unforgiving is to disobey God and devalue His gift’s greatness. God holds in highest value the need for us to forgive others as He forgives us.
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22).